During late September of 2024, I spent a week in Woźniki, where Ajahn Kondañño’s Vassa was taking place. It was a unique opportunity to discover the Buddha’s teachings directly from a monk – a living teacher. I generally knew what I should expect before I got there, as almost a year before it I participated at Winter Shelter in Czarków, also led by Bhante. But still – there was no shortage of surprises, stirrings and discoveries.
Stays with Ajahn Kondañño are different from what we commonly think of as a retreat. Are they for everyone? I don’t know, but I do know that they are for people who really want to grow deeply on the path.
Ajahn Kondañño invites you to take full responsibility for your own practice. He does not propose any schedule, structure or ironclad rules.There is no gong to wake up the participants, no schedule for formal practice, no ban on speaking and no evening dhamma talks. The only constantly connecting us activities are morning chores, related to preparing and offering the meal, and cleaning the area we share. After the brunch, we would sometimes drink tea together and talk. That’s right, we talk… on a retreat! I can already hear bolts from the blue, because THE NOBLE SILENCE after all! However, this is the first responsibility that everybody who decides to practice with Ajahn Kondañño takes on – responsibility for one’s own speech. Do you speak when it is actually reasonable, needed, helpful and necessary? Do you speak for its own sake, succumbing to the pressure of your own mind in order to fill the silence, to showcase yourself, to impress someone, to teach… How much the mind produces and how much it pushes – how difficult it is to resist, to observe and to stop this reflex, this need in time… only those who have not been forbidden to speak, but have been advised to be mindful when speaking, know this.
After the tea – time we share together ends – the rest of the day is solely for me and I can do whatever I would consider most beneficial for my own practice. It seems like it is the best thing that could’ve happened to me – time just for myself. But quickly it becomes quite a challenge as daily duties are no longer on the horizon, children don’t call out, boss doesn’t call, internet is disabled and there is no schedule of the practice you could subscribe to, so I don’t really know what I should do with myself… The mind looks for a task – it longs everything, that on a regular daily basis distracts it, occupies it. I mean, I can sit in meditation, but I start to wonder whether it is not a form of an escape as well… It’s so convenient – to focus on meditation and not have to be alone with myself – not listening, not looking on what is to be heard or seen today. And I simply decide to see how this will work out, when I do something differently.
I didn’t devote more than an hour in a day to formal practice – I sat for a while in the morning and a while in the evening. Apart from it, I mostly hiked in neighboring forests, letting my legs carry me forward. One time I walked barefoot, as the previous day I soaked my shoes. I didn’t realize that such a simple act, like taking shoes off, would bring so much novelty. Walking barefoot through the woods, feeling the pain with every step, you have to be in the here and now – nothing can take you away from the moment that you are in. The mind gets sharper – it was the first time I came back home by the same route I came in – I remembered every turn and every path. But something more happened there – the recognition that my body is of painful nature. That all the shoes and warm jackets are meant to keep that perspective out. And that’s the truth about the body, to which I am so attached…
From every walk and simple activity I did after coming back I derived more than from thousands of hours spent on the meditation cushion. I didn’t try to manage those thoughts and feelings – I just observed them. I let them manifest as responses to different external and internal stimuli and I watched, watched, watched… Sometimes it was pleasant – in most cases it wasn’t… but I kept drilling – what is pleasant here, what is not and why? Every day was bringing something new, uncovered layers under which the truth hides (as of today, it’s probably barely a pale glimpse of it). The truth that it’s hard to face. The truth that you can’t run away from. And it would’ve been an utterly tragic image if not for the fact that I could talk about it during the morning tea with Bhante and ask about what was difficult for me. And most importantly – get hints, derive something from wisdom and gentleness, which was bringing me a new perspective, opening spaces of understanding that were not available to me before.
This process with Ajahn Kondañño revealed to me that the practice is much more than a daily meditation session. That development happens mostly outside of it. And today I feel free, as I sit on my meditation cushion without expecting anything out of it. I don’t run away from life into meditation and I don’t hope that during my meditation session will appear something unusual, some incredible, deep states that will take me somewhere. I learned to meditate anew – with my entire life, every moment, word, intention, breath. Although I clearly recognize how many challenges and hardships this path carries with it, the accompanying sense of purpose makes me continue this daily effort.
My stay in Woźniki made me assured that a hermitage for Buddhist monks and nuns, which (I very much hope so) will be established in Poland soon, will be a great opportunity for many lay people to truly explore the Dhamma. And I can’t wait for it!
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